Relapsed... But Fighting

Jade and big brother extraordinaire making
silly faces for Mommy.

I wasn't sure that I'd ever update this blog again. Over the past 18 months, I had toyed with the idea of posting updates on how well Jade was doing, how feisty and charismatic she has grown to be, how beautifully she is made.  I managed only to eke out a few Facebook posts, sharing glimpses of how much we were all enjoying her remission, enjoying each other, enjoying life. 

But we are here.  Again.  With a relapsed leukemia diagnosis.  Day four of chemotherapy, round one. The same stubborn strand of leukemia has resurfaced. After five rounds of chemotherapy and over one year in remission, we are here with 74% blasts in Jade's bone marrow. After five months of my bringing Jade to the oncology clinic, fearing the worst when the unexplained fevers, joint pain, fatigue, and loss of appetite returned monthly for one- to two-week episodes and then disappeared. After five months of "clean" blood tests, being told that this is not what cancer looks like, and skeptically believing that she was just reacting to one of thousands of unidentified viruses. I knew better, but wasn't ready to face the alternative.  Instead, we gathered for the holidays, sang our hearts out, mastered our alphabet and numbers, painted with our fingers, painted with our toes, celebrated birthdays, applied to pre-school, cooked home-made pizza, baked cookies and cupcakes... and I worried.

Despite the familiarity of the sterile halls, the incessant sounds of whirring machines, and friendly faces (both personnel and patients), many things are different this time around. The treatment plan - instead of five rounds of chemo, Jade will have two or three rounds of high-dose chemo followed by a bone marrow transplant.  Jade's hospital stays for each round of chemo will span four to five weeks; the bone marrow transplant stay, some sixty days. (In the doctors' estimation, chemotherapy alone will not cure the leukemia; Jade needs a new immune system.) The medicines - the chemotherapy agents that Jade receives this time are even more potent than those she received in 2012. But Jade is the most different. She is a big girl now, who asks questions, expresses missing home, missing family, not wanting to be here... but, her fighter spirit is still as strong as ever.

After fairly harmless visits to the oncology clinic for follow-ups for the past year, the shock and trauma of a central line placement, lumbar puncture, and bone marrow biopsy just a few days ago are real. I thought we were past that too.  The first few days, she trusted no one; everyone seemed to want to poke, peel, prod, or push something. Very few nurses or doctors were able to evade her side eye. She perfected her "if I don't acknowledge you, you're not here" blank stare when most medical staff enter the room. But, this morning, Jade is playful -- and not just with me.  She was dancing during rounds this morning with the doctors, told them about her new sunglasses, and -- if I'm not mistaken -- flirted with one of the male nurses who walked by. For shame, I know.

With how well Jade did during her first hospitalization, we know that prayer works.  There are many things that we need right now -- healing, strength, sanity, stability, togetherness. But now, perhaps more than ever, we need your prayers and positive thoughts to continue for the chemotherapy to put her leukemia into remission and ultimately for the transplant to be her cure.

Thank you for your prayers and your positive thoughts.